When “How Are You?” Isn’t Enough: The Truth Behind “I’m Fine” in Therapy - A Therapist’s Reflection on Holding Space

You know that moment when someone asks, “Are you alright?” and without even thinking, you reply, “Yeah, I’m fine. You?”It’s automatic. Expected. Easy.

But underneath that answer, so many of us are carrying so much more.

As a therapist, I’ve come to understand just how often we go through life wearing masks — not just with strangers or colleagues, but sometimes even with the people closest to us. And those masks? They’re heavy. They’re the version of us that smiles, holds it all together, gets on with things — even when, deep down, we’re struggling.

What I really hope to offer in therapy is something different — something softer, more spacious, more human.

When a client comes into the therapy room with me, we don’t start with “How are you?”We begin with:“How are you arriving today?”

It’s a small shift in words, but it opens the door to something deeper. That question invites you to take a breath, check in with yourself, and answer honestly — not out of habit, but from where you truly are.

I still remember the first time someone asked me that question. It caught me off guard — in the best possible way. For the first time, I didn’t feel like I had to be “together.” I wasn’t being asked for a performance or a polite answer. I was being invited to be real.

That moment changed everything for me. It gave me space to breathe, to feel, to speak from the heart — without fear of judgement.

And now, that’s the kind of space I try to offer to every person I work with.

Because I know how easy it is to believe that your real thoughts or feelings are “too much.” That if you dropped the mask — if people really saw the sadness, anger, fear, or even hope underneath — you might be rejected, misunderstood, or seen differently.

So we keep those parts hidden. We carry them quietly.And we keep saying, “I’m fine.”

But in therapy, you don’t have to be fine. You just have to arrive.

And from there, we explore what’s on your mind, what’s in your heart, and what you might be ready — or not quite ready — to let go of.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to have it all figured out.You just need a space where you can be yourself — not only to be exactly who you are, but to start figuring out how you got here in the first place.

To gently unpack the experiences, relationships, beliefs, and emotions that have shaped your journey — and to begin rewriting the story in a way that feels more honest, more free, and more you.

That’s the space I hope to offer: somewhere real, somewhere safe, somewhere you don’t have to pretend.

Just come as you are.

By Jalissa Compton